Ep. 53 – Intentional Love Part 2 With My Sweetheart

intentional love part 2Isn’t it interesting that close relationships can easily enter the zone of rights, privileges, and duties? Sadly, when this happens, even lovers switch from intentionally loving each other to the ‘tit for tat’ strategy. And because what goes around comes around, frustration and stress may start to pile up even in the best relationships.

If you, however, learn to practice intentional love, not only will your relationship and health improve, your productivity will also improve. Intentional love is active and not reactive while people pleasing is mostly reactive.

7 Steps To Intentional Love

  1. Get Your priorities right: Connect with your master daily. Make sure you know what you are doing so that you don’t have to feel bad saying yes or no.
  2. Start from Christ, not your right: We have been saved through faith. Let your love come from the mercies you receive from Christ, don’t be too preoccupied with thoughts about your rights and privileges. In Christ, you find peace, grace & wisdom.
  3. Make room in your mind & schedule for others. Don’t fully book yourself, reserve some quality time for the people you love.
  4. Excuse the faults of others, you are not perfect so are they.
  5. Don’t be afraid to say your mind. People cant read your mind, so don’t be afraid to share your mind respectfully to the other person. Even if you are misunderstood you can trust the Holy Spirit to clarify things. And I tell you this brings growth, both in your life and in your relationships.
  6. Don’t shun the wisdom of others. Be open to the wisdom of others, don’t trash others opinion. At least consider it, show them respect. You may find something good in it.
  7. Manage your mind. Guard the door of your heart. Get rid of any negative thoughts. Make sure that your old approval seeking lifestyle does not have to control you.  You may also lay your hands on some ‘Renewing Your Mind’ bible study that will help to correct some of your wrong ideologies.

Listen on iTunes or Google Play or Soundcloud

 

What other idea has helped you to love Intentionally?

Please leave me a comment below:

Episode Transcripts:

[Intro Message]

Hello! Hello!! This is Olu Sobanjo. I’m glad to have you again on Like Jesus Podcast. And I have my darling husband beside me here in the studio. Welcome!

Ade: Thank you! Hello Everybody.

Olu: We are very glad to always… We are very happy to have you all the time. Last week, we started talking about the part 1 of Intentional Love vs. People Pleasing. The idea that we started with is the fact that we all need to pay attention to our relationships and we need to genuinely, intentionally love people around us in order for us to get a better life; in order for us to have fruitfulness in every area of our lives where Jesus says, “I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly.” The idea is if you don’t work on your relationships i.e. the close relationships that you have, they would drag you back. Even though you are succeeding in some aspects, the fact that you are not doing well in your relationships, would drag you back and will slow you down. So, we were talking about that and one quote that I got from the book, The Magic of Thinking Big by David Schultz, is where we ended it last week. The quote is this… I will quote it again and then we will start from there today. So, it says, “One way to keep a positive attitude, is to make sure you are doing what you believe is morally right. When people do things that they don’t feel good about like lying to a significant other or taking from a friend without asking, it harbors guilt and erodes confidence. This negativity always shows up in a bad attitude.” It says, “Being happy and comfortable with a decision, on the other hand, builds more confidence and therefore sustains your better moods.” So, last week you were talking about… And for many years, you’ve always been saying this and when I read this n the book, I actually got it. You’ve always been saying, “Do the best that you think is right for the person and don’t do anything wrong for the person” If somebody is in your life and they are close to you, it’s important and I now saw it clearly in this book. It says the fact that if you do something negative, something morally wrong with you, it harbors – you begin to develop guilt. Guilt weighs you down and erodes the confidence that you have in the relationship that you are building with this person and that is where the frustration sets in.

I’d like you to continue from where you stopped last week,

Ade: You know, as you were reading that again, I remembered that Jesus said that first. He said, “Do unto others what you want them to do to you.” So, it’s the same whenever we are dealing with anybody. I always think of myself being in the other person’s shoes and I want to treat me the way I want to be treated. So, I treat the person the way I want to be treated too. Even if they are mean to me and I ask myself, “If I was mean t me, how will I want to be treated?”

Olu: [cuts in] Or if someone was mean to me…

Ade: Yes… No! If I was mean to someone…

Olu: Exactly!

Ade: …I put myself in their shoes and say, “If I was mean to me, how would I want to be treated?” I won’t want to be slapped; I don’t want myself to be beaten so what would I want? I would want the person to forgive me because I am just being foolish. I didn’t know what is wrong with me that is why I am being mean.

[Olu laughs]

Ade: I would now look at that person and say, “Well, the way I’m going to deal with you is… You know what? You are not going to get what you want. I’m just going to walk away from your meanness.” But I won’t go the extra mile and hurt them because I don’t want to be hurt…

Olu: Yeah

Ade: I know that I am the mean guy, I won’t want to be hurt. I don’t want someone to punch me in the face.

Olu: You know the point you are bringing up is actually a very valid point. Over the years that I’ve talked to people, I’ve realized that it’s natural to actually be mean to the person when they are mean to you. It is you know… It feels good. You feel like you pay back…

Ade: Yes!

Olu: You feel like they disrespect you, you give them what they deserve. They talk back to you, you punish them… It’s just a natural…

Ade: …reaction

Olu: It is just a natural feeling – the flesh’s way of dealing with it. It is nice that you are bringing that up and I’d like to highlight the aspect of the grace that we have in Christ. You may not naturally feel like doing what you are saying.

Ade: It is Jesus that does it.

Olu: Yes! It is the Christ that is inside you – in us…

Ade: He lives that life in us. That is what He wants to do. And even when I react wrongly. I don’t react right all the time but I find that there is something in me that wants to do that. So, maybe someone borrows money from me and doesn’t return it and the next time I speak to them, I speak to them roughly. It is not that I go after them or… it’s just a little bit rough. The Holy Spirit would convict me that, “if you were the one that couldn’t pay, would you want to be disrespected and talked to anyhow?” I would still feel it inside me so, over time, I am learning to still treat the person how I want to be treated even if I am doing wrong. So, how will I want to be treated even when I’m wrong? That’s how I learn. What this guy is saying is that what happens to you when you do that – when you do the right thing is that you remove the guilt. There are other consequences, right? Some may people may try to ride you or abuse your kindness. We are not dealing with the outside one first. We will deal with that later but for now, for you – for internally, to feel good and to feel strongly that you are doing what you think is right by the Holy Spirit that is in you, you should do that.

Olu: And I think that there is growth in the aspect that we are talking about. There is the first the conviction that comes. The Holy Spirit will convict you and He’d help you to realize that you need to be like me in this aspect of your life because naturally, you don’t feel like doing it but then, gradually you see that the Holy Spirit is pushing you and telling you “But then, this is not the way you should behave to the person. I want to let our listeners know that it is possible to grow.

Ade: That’s right

Olu: In the first instance, you may not feel like doing it. This is coming from somebody that has practiced it over – the process of renewing your mind. There may be a difficulty at the beginning but then that is where you cry for help and you say, “Lord, help me to do this…” like the man that said, “I believe but help my unbelief.” So, somebody is mean to you and somebody is doing something to you and you naturally feel like you should actually give them a punch in the face. But then, you realize that there is help in Christ. Christ has all the patience; He has all the perseverance; He has all the long-suffering; He has all the love and the joy that I need. I tap into that and I’m able to do what I need to do.

Ade: Another point that I’d like to talk about is the fact that I used to want to react but there is something that God opened my eyes to see. Which is the fact that the reason why that person is doing that is that they don’t have Jesus the way I have Him? So, it’s not that I won’t… I could be the guy that is mean that needs a punch in the face and so if I punch somebody in the face because He needs a punch in the face, then I’m trying to say that I am better off than Him. But it is Jesus that makes me be like this – to see that I am not supposed to behave like that. So with those two things in mind, doing unto others what you’d like them to do unto you and also, understanding that what you have is as a result of God’s grace on your life, it really helps you to calm down and just love.

Olu: That’s true.

Ade: When I say love, just do what to your best knowledge, you think is best for the other not for you. Sometimes, you need to make a sacrifice. That is what love means. You know what is good for you, you know what is good for the other person – within limits, within boundaries. Some people are a little bit off. They just keep destroying themselves – they keep sacrificing themselves to the extreme. Not that. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about within limits and knowing how to say, “Okay, I will make some sacrifice because I want to bless this other person. I don’t need their gratitude. I’m just doing it for me, knowing that this is what Christ in me…”

Both: …wants me to do

Olu: Yes, Yes. I really like that. This was something that God also opened my eyes to see a while ago where I began to see it in such a way that many of the things that we see in people and we are angry about, they are things that we do to God as well. And when you are angry, it is very similar to that guy that the master forgave His debt and said, ‘Don’t bother paying.” And he said, “You know what? Fine. Thank you” and left. Somebody owed him something so little and he said, “Put him in jail. You have to pay me back.” Sometimes, we forget. The same thing that you are accusing something of, is the same thing that you are doing. Actually, the fact that you are able to accuse somebody of an offense, is because you forgot that you don’t have any right even in front of God. And so, bringing it back to the point when you remember that it always starts with, “Actually, I died. I don’t have a life anymore. Jesus has paid the price and that is why I am able to start here and so I can’t demand from anyone. In short, there is no demand that anybody can give because I mean, I am gone. I’m supposed to be dead right now in sin but Jesus brought me back to life so the life that I have right now is no longer mine. So, I extend the mercy that I have received from the other person.

I don’t know if there is anything else that you wanted to say…

Ade: Yes! There is now the other side. There is the other side where you’ve done your best but because you always want the approval – you want the other person to say you have done very good; you know that your best will not be good enough in the sight of the other person or maybe not because you really can’t say because you don’t know the other person’s mind. Then, you still go ahead and do your best but you feel bad because the other person is not approving what you have done. So, that, we need to also talk about which is the fact that once you have done your best from your heart especially having prayed and accepted that this is how much God has helped you, please try – let’s just try to always be confident in the fact that, “You know what? The Holy Spirit helped me this way and that is enough. Now, if someone says, “You are not enough, you didn’t do enough”, let’s not allow that to continue to bring us down.

Olu: That is true.

Ade: And bring guilt. We don’t have to allow that because if we do that, it is just like doing evil. You take the guilt on, the confidence goes off and there is that cycle again. So once you break off from that cycle, you do the best that you can do within what you think that the Holy Spirit is helping you with and you let the rest go.

Olu: That is true. That is very good. It just reminds me of the fact that the Holy Spirit is always with us.

Ade: That’s right!

Olu: And it doesn’t even end at that junction. It doesn’t end at the junction of my decision that I need to make quickly. He is still with me even after because sometimes we will even do wrong…

Ade: …Be the wrong one

Olu: Exactly! And the Holy Spirit is still there and you can still receive grace for the next step to take.

And so, we have a few things that we have put together – that we talked about as some of the things that would help as a guideline for people that are listening and are saying, “I want to intentionally love. Can you give me some things that I need to be doing?” Maybe they have tried before and the relationships around them are not, you know… Maybe they have difficult people that they live with or that they are in a relationship with and they just need some guidelines, just to guide them – to always bring them to a point where they know they need help. Would you like to start talking about some of the things that it’s just good to always have this as a checkmark in your mind?

Ade: Well the foundation of it is getting your priorities right. The foundation is what we were talking about – Making sure that your relationship with the Holy Ghost, with Jesus, is not broken at any point in time. If you can guard that, it goes a long way. The others will follow. So that is why we say don’t do what you think the Holy Spirit doesn’t want you to do and all that. So, once the relationship is right – your relationship is good, your way of operation is always love, always!!! Anything that is not lovely, is not what you think Jesus would do and you are not doing that and you are asking for help all the time. I think that is the foundation. You start from there. That would be the point number 1.

Olu: Thank you very much and the next point that I have there is very similar to that but it’s, Starts from Christ, not your rights. And I like that because just like the parable that Jesus gave of the servant that won’t forgive the other person, it is easy to forget about the fact that Christ forgave me and then begin to say, “This is my right. I’m the one that should… If I don’t tell you, nobody will tell you. If I don’t put my mind to it, t is not going to work. It is my right…” If you begin to go the route of the right, you are going out of them… you must always start with Christ which is Christ forgave you. You forgive other people. When you start with that, it helps you in your relationship with somebody that is very difficult. Some people, they are in very difficult relationships; for some people, they are in a mean environment; some single people, they may find themselves in environments that are so hostile to them but it still applies. Where you don’t start with the rights that you have as human beings which is very important but start with Christ and say, “The mercy that I receive, I give.” And I believe that helps a lot. It helps with intentional love. It is actually like a foundation of intentional love where you can actually give the best – you give the Christ-like life. That is what you are expecting in your relationship.

Ade: That is right. That is right! The other one is to make room in your mind and schedule for others which means… You know, we are talking about relationships with one another. There will be a need for one to make a sacrifice for another person to have a good time or to move forward spiritually or to move forward in their career and all that. So, we need to intentionally decide that I am going to take my time and give it to the other person; take from my resources and give to the other person; listen to the other person and allow them to take some of my rights so to say. All of these things come with communication – good communication…

Olu: That’s true

Ade: Once the communication is going well, then you will move forward. Now, there are relationships that the communication is mostly broken and there is no discussion ad some of these things can’t work specifically but these are good foundations – good things that you can easily begin to put into your life and you will begin to see results immediately when you take the time to say, “You know what? What is it that you are going through? What is it that you are experiencing or sometimes, you just need to ask for even some time. I’m looking at the case of people not just giving their time because some people are always giving their time and they are not getting it back. So maybe you should just ask for some time also. It is going to help.

Olu: That is true. That is true. On that note, not overbooking yourself that you don’t give extra time to be with somebody in your life. It’s part of it also.

I have the next one there is don’t be afraid to say your mind. Don’t be afraid to say your mind. This is one that I used to have issues with because I am scared that if I say my mind, it may not be taken right.

Ade: Misinterpreted…

Olu: It may be misinterpreted or misunderstood. Over the years, God has really… I may say over the months actually, God has really helped me to see that you need to just say your mind. It is not the end of the world. And even if it is the end of the world and the person misinterprets it, you still need to be able to say it. Whatever is in your mind is in your mind! It helps in every relationship. It helps people… For example the fact that… One example in our own relationship is the fact that two things. You like to sleep in the dark when there is not too much light to distract you. I like it to be bright when I am sleeping.

Ade: Now, you love to sleep in the sun.

[Both Laugh]

Olu: I like it not too bright but I like to have a nightlight. But even my very small night light is too much for you.

Ade: It’s too much for me.

Olu: And then we must be able to discuss that. Then, the aspect – the other aspect of you are able to do a lot with people around, you know, the buys running around, people around and you are still able to focus on – concentrate. I’m not able to do that. And it got a point I had to open up and say… Because before I used to think I am not smart enough – I am not as smart as you that is why I am not able to combine all of these together but then it had to get to a point where I said NO! It doesn’t matter even if I’m not as smart as you. I’m not trying to compete with you. I just know that when I am with a lot of people, I’m not able to concentrate and I’m not able to do a lot. So, I had to open up. It’s good to get to a point where you open up your mind and let the other person know what’s going on.

Ade: That’s right! Communicate! Communicate!! Communicate!!!

Olu: That’s true.

Ade: It’s always a foundation for good relationship. And with great wisdom and carefulness, not just being mean in communication…

Olu: Yes, Yes!

Ade…but it is good stuff.

Olu: Yes

Ade: Now, excuse the fault of others. Excuse the fault of others. The beauty of relationships is that the other person is not going to be exactly like you and we need to really learn to let people be themselves. So, that can be a problem. If we don’t let the other person be themselves, we are going to always have frustrations. Let’s just pray because I think it is very difficult but we must pray to God to help us to just let the other person be. Let’s learn to discover rather than change the other person. Yes, Yes.

Olu: Yes and the next one there is don’t shun the wisdom of others. There is a point where you just feel like I know. I know what I am doing. So, when somebody comes and they bring you a suggestion, you say, “You know what?” Now you may be smiling and saying, you like what they are saying but really you are not. You don’t like it. You are waiting for them to just zip their mouth together and leave you right now because they are wasting their time. And so it’s very important to also… Because it’s true that they may not understand you; it is true that they may not be able to express things the way you’d express it – be able to communicate it. But it is also very important that you know that other people, even though they are different from you, they also have something good to offer. It doesn’t mean that you have to take it. You can take it but you can take it. If you actually listen clearly, even children, if you listen to them, you will realize that they have some important things that they are saying. And if you just have a mindset of shutting people off, you will lose out.

Ade: you will lose out.

Olu: You’d be the one that loses out in life. So, it’s very important that you don’t close your mind to the wisdom that people have.

Ade: Yes, Thank you. The last one that is written down here is managing your mind which is tell yourself that all those noises is noise. I think that has helped me a bit. I tell myself I don’t know what you don’t tell me. I just try to tell myself. “Ah! Maybe that guy just wants to trick you”, I say, “Did he say that? He didn’t say that so I don’t know that. I’m not going to waste my energy thinking about that.” What this means is just try to think about what you are thinking about.

Olu: Exactly. Exactly!

Ade: You just try to be aware. Try to be conscious of what your mind is saying or what the enemy is saying to you or what you are scared of or what you are doubting and shut down as many of them as are not useful.

Olu: All of them. All of them.

Ade: Some can be useful but anything that is not useful- anything that is not good…

Olu: Okay, I get what you mean.

Ade: Yeah

Olu: And…

Ade: …shut them down.

Olu: You are right.

Ade: Rather, let the Holy Spirit speak instead.

Olu: That’s true. That’s true. I…

Ade: Things that are positive, things that are good, things that are building…

Oulu: That’s what it says in Philippians.

Ade: Things that make you have faith and move forward, think on those things.

Olu: That’s it. That’s it. And one of the episodes in March will focus on our thoughts and what to do about that. And I am hoping to actually get somebody – to invite somebody on the show to talk more about these. But I think that it’s a big thing. And it’s a process of growth. It’s our process of growth. This issue of guarding your heart is everywhere in the scriptures. It is very important. In short, is it Ephesians that talks about taking captive of imaginations – things that are just thoughts in your mind and seeing them as “these are deadly” and actually recognizing them as that and dealing with them in that way. It’s very important because if you are going to intentionally get the most out of a relationship, you must think the best o that relationship. And so, it is very important we work on that and make sure that whatever… As things are coming in – we get information from all our senses -as they are coming into us that just as we eat food and we digest, we take as much as we need and we throw away the rest, the same way the information that comes into our minds need to be digested as well. And whatever is a waste product, if you keep it inside, it can kill.

Ade: Yes!

Olu: In the physical sense, the leftover from your body that is supposed to be excreted out, if it is kept in your body, it can kill you. The same way the mind also works. Something that needs to go, if it doesn’t go it is going to really…

Ade: …start destroying the system

Olu: Exactly. It is going to destroy the system. It will destroy the relationship. It will destroy the impact that you are supposed to be having in the world that God brought you into.

Ade: And even health

Olu: And even your health as well. You know, I shared that on my stomach ulcer issue. So, I like us to just wrap this up on this note with a word of prayer. You’re the pastor, you are my pastor. Pray for us.

Ade: Sure.

Father, we thank you once again for the opportunity to share our lives and share your Word with your children. Lord, our prayer is that you’d continue to live out the true love in us and live out your purpose and your plans for us. We confess that we do make mistakes and we do fall into the flesh – the human nature but what we want is to walk always in the Spirit. So, Lord, we receive grace. We pray for everyone that is listening for special grace this week and for the rest of our lives to live like you… to love fully, to love intentionally and to love powerfully through you, in Jesus name.

Olu: Amen! Amen! Thank you so much, everyone, for listening. Thank you, Ade for joining me for this 2 sessions and I look forward to having you again soon.

Ade: It’s my pleasure.

Olu: Thank you for listening to this episode of Like Jesus Podcast. Don’t forget to head over to lusobanjo.com for more useful resources. While you are there, remember to leave me a comment. At least you know now how bad I want your approval

[Chuckles]

And if you found this on iTunes, please take 2 minutes to review it. It’d help other people like you to find the show. Alright, now it’s your turn to go impact someone with what you’ve got. Bye for now.

[Outro Music]

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Ep. 52 – Intentional Love With Ade Sobanjo Part 1

Intentional loveDid you know that intentional love can increase your productivity and improve your life in general?

Each of us was made in the image of a God that loves.  However, because we don’t practice intentional love we get frustrated and so our productivity level diminishes and even our potential for having a richer life reduces and so we are not able to consistently impact people with the life of Christ we already have.

For the next 3 episodes of Like Jesus podcast, I want you to focus on the close relationships you have.

Listen on iTunes or Google Play or Soundcloud

What Causes Some Of Your Relationship Frustration?

  1. Fear of disrespect
  2. Fear that my best effort is not enough

For so many years, I had been frustrated in this area of loving people that are closer to me. I had always been afraid that if I do for them whats in their best interest they will ride on my love and I would be at their mercies. I would try my best but someone how it was never enough. A statement or a look on their faces was what it took to make me feel unappreciated. That was frustrating and it was even more frustrating that not only was it affecting the way I felt but also it was affecting my productivity. I wasn’t really able to fully live out God’s purpose for me, I wasn’t consistently impactful in my walk with the Lord. I know so many of my listeners feel this way. You try all your best to be the nicest person to people but what you get back is frustration and because of that you are not able to fully live your life to the fullest. It’s that bad.

I recently I got an ah ah moment when I read a short paragraph in a book by David J. Schwartz, The book is The Magic of Thinking Big. He said:

“One way to keep a positive attitude is to make sure you’re doing what you believe is morally right. When people do things they don’t feel good about – like lying to a significant other or taking from a friend without asking – it harbors guilt and erodes confidence. These negativities always show up in a bad attitude. Being happy and comfortable with your decisions, on the other hand, builds more confidence and therefore sustains your better moods”

Similar to Matthew 7:12 Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

http://www.olusobanjo.com/thinking-good-of-others-help/

Due to societal influence, our minds become subject to what is right around for people around us and so we may even label a good action bad because someone said it is and so we start to feel bad about our actions.  Though it may be a good action, the moment you think it isn’t good,  guilt can set in and it erodes your confidence and you then start to feel bad. Intentional love would help you have an intentionally amazing life – in general.

Do you want to talk some more of Intentional love?

Please leave me a comment below:

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Ep. 51 – Freedom From The Impatient Dreamer Syndrome

hurry photoEverywhere I go, I see so many of God’s generals that are walking around as ordinary people, no Impact, no influence just struggling to match up with their neighbors, forgetting that they have the Greatest God on their inside.

This is the last in the breaking limits series. We have covered a few grounds in the past 3 episodes, the first week we talked about the Approval craving syndrome, then the Lazy Thinker Syndrome, then the Multiple Interest Syndrome and there is an accompanying tool that I made to help walk you through the steps of breaking limiting beliefs in your life. You can get that at olusobanjo.com/breakinglimits.

Today’s topic is about people who see a vision of what God’s planned is, but they are unable to start or move forward in what God is leading them to do. My desire is that at the end of this episode you will make up your mind to go all the way with God to follow him as you also follow whatever vision He has placed in your heart to do.

Listen on iTunes or Google Play or Soundcloud

So What Are The Symptoms To Look Out For?

  1. You think the vision is too big and so you want to give your best…but then you never start.
  2. Or you think the vision is too small (at least compared to that of others), And so you never start. Or you even start and you lose steam along the way.
  3. The last symptom is that what you see as the end goal is so big that you cant imagine you will have to start small.

So what’s the solution to this syndrome?

Consistent dependence on God!

Not following Jesus consistently is the biggest problem I have had. A study by Barna Research shows that only 19% of Christians have a biblical worldview. You see as a people pleaser, it’s easy for me to start off ok, but then gradually derail from following God. These shifts are so little that even I don’t notice, let alone people around me. However, all I notice is that I end up somewhere else and then I wonder how did I get here. I don’t know if you have been in a position before.

The big dream that God showed you is huge, yes, but it is many small steps that will lead you there. Don’t despise the little steps you need to take by focusing on the big dream.

Sometimes there are such complications that come with running ahead of God. There is a difference between Ishmael and Isaac. One was a result of human efforts on trying to fulfill God’s promise while the other was God’s  own fulfillment of His promise. It’s better to wait for God than to use your own efforts to make it happen.

I believe everyone was created with the intention to solve a problem and if done with the daily aim of glorifying God we gain influence and make Impact still.

“Seldom does God call and manifest the vision at the same time. There is preparation. There is testing. There is relationship building that must take place between you and God. Only once this is complete will you see the vision materialize. If God has called you to some endeavor and you are frustrated that it has not manifested yet, know that times of preparation and simmering are required before the vision can be achieved.” -Os Hillman

So I have a question for you; is there something that you sense God is leading you to do?

Are you willing to walk with him daily for the next season of your life to bring it to life? Are you willing to go through the preparation, the testing and the relationship building stage with him?

Are you set to daily crucify your natural desires and cravings for approval?

Please leave me a comment below;

What other solutions do you suggest for Impatient dreamers?

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Ep. 50 – The Multiple Interest Syndrome

The Multiple Interest Syndrome

Do you have multiple interests? You are sure you can do well at many of the things you are interested in, but you are not sure which of your interests you should start with. You may even be confused as to which one to invest time in developing. If this is you then today’s episode is for you.

I decided to add this to my breaking limits series in order to help those of you that have multiple interests. My desire is to show you a way to break free from limitations surrounding indecision and to show you how to live a fulfilled live: how to move from confusion to clarity and how to begin to step into the influence that God made you for.

Listen on iTunes or Google Play or Soundcloud

So What do I mean by Multiple Interest Syndrome? 

Let me tell you a story about a few years ago, I used to watch the shopping network, that’s the TV channel that has all sorts of really nice items that can solve all your problems as a woman. Like mops you don’t need to ring with your hands, and computer tables you can collapse and put out of the way to give you a beautiful home always.

Back then used to dream of making all sorts of great stuff,  While I am still thinking of one idea, I get distracted by another really nice one. Around that same time was when I wanted to create an online library of books.

If you are like me, you get fantastic ideas like water from a flowing tap. Anywhere you look you see opportunities and somehow your brain can develop a solution to the problems you see. Your mind works like a machine. And you don’t like to believe that anything you think is impossible, in short, you see possibilities everywhere. You even love to challenge assumptions and you come up with various solutions even in mundane situations.

You may even be in a meeting with someone and as they are talking, your mind is creating the solutions they need. You can see it clearly, you may even tell them about the idea and they find it really useful while other times they just can’t see it.

Your mind is truly a machine, depending on what book, movies, course or simply any material you are consuming or what place you go or who you talk to, Its very natural for you to see various opportunities and also believe that you can do it and succeed at it.

So Why did I add this as a limiting belief?

I know you may be asking why? Especially for those of you who find it hard to come up with ideas, you may not understand why I think this can limit people. I have seen a lot of people limited even with this kind of a great mind. It’s easy to come up with ideas, but whether you can succeed at it is another story altogether.

It’s easy to start but you either get bored of the idea or as soon as you face a challenge on the way, you stop. Also, there is a subtle fear of whether people will approve of your ideas. After giving up a few times on their ideas, you tend to hide your ideas or get scared of starting and stopping again.

One big problem people like this have is the inability to focus. You see, for any one idea to become fulfilled and matured it requires time and consistent work. However for my multi-talented folks, before their first great idea comes to life, they already have another better idea, remember their minds works like a machine.

They get excited about creating the ideas not so much for the execution of it. Many of this folks also have the lazy thinkers syndrome that I was talking about in episode 49, I will add a link below.

They become exhausted, confused and overwhelmed they can not decide what to do next. The same gifts seem to be their greatest limitation. You may even drive family members crazy. Many of this folks also have the perfectionistic tendencies.

I have seen way too many people that are not able to make much impact though they have a smart mind and though they can learn any skill really fast.

How can You be free?

If you are like this or you know someone with this multiple interest syndrome,  I am glad that you are listening to this. You see this is one of the symptoms that God has been working on in my life. Again this is a work in progress, but I am so grateful for where I am today.

1. Live fully devoted to Jesus.  Your idea must not be the one pushing you, Jesus must be the one. Make up your mind that Jesus is your lord, not your ideas.

2. Focus“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways”. As the ideas come, you must write them down in order to focus. Don’t try to chase multiple ideas at once.  He who chases 2 rats gets none.

3. Recognize what each idea truly is:

  • Sometimes they are distractions,
  • Sometimes they are just passions,
  • Sometimes they are for ambition.

4. Test your ideas out in private: to begin, you don’t have to announce all your ideas to the whole world until you know where it fits in your life. You may not be able to commit to it full time, just practice privately.

5. Test the strong ideas in public: As a child of God and tool in God’s hands, one of the things you get from the Body of Christ is to sharpen your skills, to practice your ideas. When an idea is coming to you, try it out in church with the support and guidance of your leaders and friends. Also, Mix and match the ideas into your life. For example, before you quit your job to start teaching people to go mountain climbing, go mountain climbing with some people, test it out, see the problems you can solve in it.

6. Live your life to the fullest. After decluttering, you will find some solid ideas that you can pursue.  Ask yourself: ’20 years from now, will I be mad at me if I didn’t do it? If Yes, then free up some time to pursue it.

And if you need help on how to turn your idea into reality, you should go to purposeuniversity.online to get the help you need to start. My husband and I created an online course there that will help you. Its called Ready Set Impact. Register for it, its free.

I know very many people that have so many talents and many great ideas but are not even bold enough to start one, don’t be that.

Conclusion

You were fearfully and wonderfully made, but you must live as a single-minded person. You must focus on one of your ideas and work it until its great.  It takes about 3-5 years to get a great idea to a mature stage, that’s if you know what to do. After that, you can then actually hire someone to continue that while you take the next major idea on the list and you also bring it to maturity and on like that.

All the best!

 

Ep. 37 – Effective Quiet Time Guide: A Peek Into My Personal Practice

Ep. 49 – Freedom From Lazy Thinkers Syndrome

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Ep. 49 – Freedom From Lazy Thinkers Syndrome

freedom from the lazy thinker syndrome

In this episode, I want to show you a really dangerous habit I call the lazy thinkers syndrome. I will show you the symptoms and then we will see how to overcome it. So if you identify as a lazy thinker already or if you identify with any of the traits in our discussion today, my aim is that after this episode, you will learn to receive grace to think at every time you need to.

Remember this is part of a series I titled breaking limits series. In the first of the series, I talked about my experience with a Stomach ulcer and how God opened my eyes to see some personal speed limiters I had, in the second episode of the series I shared about the Approval craving syndrome, can limit you and how to be free. That’s episodes 47 &48 in case you haven’t listened. I will link them below.

Again my desire for sharing this is so that you can find freedom in Christ to become all he made you be. The truth is that many of the ideas I share are very personal to me First and I am still dealing with these issues and I am on my way as well however, I have made a choice to keep moving, keep trusting God, I was not designed to please people but to please my God and so that’s what I will do. And that’s what I want you to do as well.

What is Lazy Thinkers’ Syndrome?

What do I mean by Lazy Thinkers Syndrome?  Well, its when someone is unwilling to exert their brain energy to consider or ponder the options beyond their current state or circumstance.

I didn’t even think this was a major thing until I began to do a study on this. One day I was praying, my prayers are always lord help me to live like you. and God opened my eyes to see a pattern in my life with this syndrome.

According to the study by Daniel Kahneman,  The Nobel prize-winning economists,  people are cognitive misers, meaning that the brain tends to seek solutions to problems that take the least mental efforts.  In practice, that means people answer easy questions in place of hard ones.

I discovered from research that because 90-95% of our thinking is controlled by our subconscious mind, what does that mean? only 10% or less of our thoughts are generated from our conscious mind, what we are experiencing now. That’s why you may drive all the way to the office and now remember any details on the trip. This is the main foundation for our topic today.

Why is it important?

Unfortunately, lazy thinking leads to haphazard fact-finding, shallow processing, and hasty conclusions.

Lazy thinking can be very dangerous and even deadly. It definitely has a great influence on the decisions you make, actions you take and your results.

So What symptoms are you to look out for?

  1. In church, you meet people that will not engage God’s words for themselves for real. they only want to know what the pastor said. Someone told me ones, Olu, just tells me what to do. Don’t tell me to study the bible to find the truth. This is a major lazy thinkers symptom. Mind you I used to have some of this traits too. I used to study to show what I know, not necessarily to think and meditate so as to affect my own life, my assumption was that I am good and all I needed to do with God’s word in preach it.  I just need God’s word to teach others… hmmm, how wrong was I.
  2. Another kind is the one I share just now, you get an idea, and you want to hit the road running. You don’t want to do the research needed, you don’t want to use your brainpower to run the idea from point A to Z. You see people like me will say, I don’t know where this is headed. I don’t. I don’t want to appear to be thinking about what I want, how can I? I only want what God wants. And since I don’t know exactly what that is, I don’t want to worry now. God knows the end product, all I want to do is trust, but Its a lie. This is why you will see that you may start that idea but it leads to nowhere?
  3. Another one is when you are ready to are taking decisions and actions that are not well thought out, all you want to think of right now is that fun of the moment when I thought is about to come as per the consequences of your actions, you quickly shut down the thought. you convince yourself that there must be a way out, somehow.
  4. Lazy Thinker jumps to conclusions quickly before taking time to think about the situation or the person. You ask them, why don’t you like that person, I don’t know, I just don’t like them. They blame it mostly on their gut feelings.
  5. Lazy thinkers allow their minds be in the redundant mode and so allow a lot of negative thoughts to just sit around in their mental faculty. Unfortunately, This causes problems, it can create serious health issues, I can relate this back to the stomach ulcer experience I shared in episode 47.
  6. Lazy thinkers tend to not live to our potentials. By allowing your mind stay glued to your limiting beliefs, you stay small. You tend to believe that you don’t have any other options.
  7. Examples-Esau
  8. Example- Samson

What about you? Do you have any other examples?

Again lazy thinkers syndrome is a deadly syndrome,  many have ignored or even wasted the grace of God upon them….

How can You be free?

  1. Track your thoughts and Face it head on
  2. Challenge your beliefs
  3. Find Scriptures that will set you free. Remember to do this one at a time, Don’t crucify yourself if you don’t get it right, keep trying. Break the limiting belief that you can’t come up with another option, you can.

I created a tool to help you through this process, If you have not downloaded it already go ahead, it’s at olusobanjo.com/breakinglimits

I know you want to be all that you were created to be, and so I want to ask you to find truths that will cancel out the limiting beliefs and hold on to that.

Listen on iTunes or Google Play or Soundcloud

Other Links mentioned:

Ep. 47 – Identifying Limiting Beliefs & Getting Freedom

http://www.olusobanjo.com/ep-48-freedom-ap…craving-syndrome/

 

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Ep. 48 – Freedom From The Approval Craving Syndrome

Ep. 48 - Freedom From The Approval Craving Syndrome

In this episode, we will be looking at How always craving the approval of others can limit you, different ways it shows up in a person’s life and how to overcome it. In order words, after this episode, you will be able to easily catch yourself when you are desperate for approval and find the strength to move away from this people-pleasing traits in order to fully live you are loved. like Jesus.

Don’t forget this is part of a series on breaking limits.  limiting thought that may have been hindering you from becoming who God made you. I told a story of how the stomach ulcer I had pointed me to many limiting beliefs in the last episode and how I got freedom. If you haven’t listened to it, you should, it’s episode 47. I will add a link to it in the show notes.

In this episode, I am trusting that our darling father will open your eyes to see how this might have been limiting you and how to become free.

Now If this is the first time you are listening to me, I want to say welcome, it’s always a joy for me to be a part of your day. I am sure you may wonder what gives me the right to share this? I was there before and trust me, I am still a recovering people pleaser. Thank God for The abundant life I received from Jesus, and for the word. I am becoming more like Jesus inside out. So I want you to relax, it’s going to be fun.

What is ACS? Find other people definition authentic

This is a situation when someone craves the approval of other people or person, so much that it affects their behaviour and emotions. When a person mind is consumed by the approval they got or did not. Many times this is also reflected in attention seekers. They become uncomfortable or feel unappreciated when they are not the centre of attention

We all thrive better in good relationships, we were actually built to relate to each other and we actually thrive when we are praised. It’s great to get feedback from other people that are special to us, people we respect and value their opinion.

However, the problem comes in when your emotion or behaviour changes because you got the approval you want or did not. When your performance goes to the extreme or becomes zero because of approval.  Gary’s example.

Now, why is this important?

If one of your desires is to be all you were designed to be or you want to enjoy the life of God that is in you, then you must pay attention to this. You want to pay attention to your heart.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

Proverbs 4:23 NLT

http://bible.com/116/pro.4.23.nlt

This approval craving syndrome keeps people in mediocrity. They use most of their thoughts to think about approval from others instead of thinking thought it hat will grow their capacity. They get easily frustrated, stressed and unfulfilled. Because the approval they want is not coming. They usually have issues with self-esteem and confidence.

These people can sense that they have greatness inside them but they are also waiting for others to approve them before they can boldly live that life of purpose.

They send out a message and they don’t get a response in the next few minutes they start to think maybe I shouldn’t have sent it, oh maybe she is mad at me now. Some others won’t even sent out the message because they think no-one will like it. So they keep the grace that God has put inside them buried away. They see the awesome work that others are doing and they think there is no way I can bring mine out, mine is just simply rubbish.

What are some symptoms?

Here are a few behaviours that show you are an approval craver:

You pay insincere compliments to gain approval

You are sad and even mad when someone disagrees with them

You change your position because a stronger person appears to disapprove

You fail to complain when you are treated wrongly

You ask for permission when there is no need for it

You apologize in advance and say sorry even when no-one has complained about a wrong they did.

You say yes to things you don’t really want to do

You want to be all for everyone

You may even gossip about others to gain approval of another person

You even go the route of bad behaviour in order to conform to others around you

You want compliments so bad that if they don’t get it the may become upset

You pretend to know what you don’t really know to appear smart

Now I believe most people have a degree of this syndrome, some have little of it or have learnt to not depend on others for approval, but others have huge doses of this syndrome.

Let me also say at this point that seeking other people’s approval is a sin. I know someone you may be thinking now you are taking it too far, but wait let me explain.

Tell the story of a person:

So let’s say you have a friend, a very close friend if you are not yet married and if you are married your spouse. So your friend’s birthday is approaching and so you keep trying to see what you can get for him. It took you some time, but finally, you found it, the perfect gift. You wrapped it up and present him. On the day of, as he opens the gifts wrap, another friend saw the Gift and made a very bad comment about how the Gift was such a cheap gift, and that she knows where to get a better Gift, and thought the Gift was really bad. Then your friend or your spouse looks at you and says, why did you get me a cheap gift? Why didn’t you give me the best of the best?

How would you feel?

How will you feel if right in front of you, he trashes it?

How will you feel if every day after that he never stops to talk about how bad the Gift was?

I suppose you wouldn’t like it. Yeah, that’s similar to what we do when we live our lives daily hunting for other people’s approval. When what people say or don’t say or what people do or don’t do affects our behaviour or emotions.

I also remember how I used to hit the refresh button every minute to get feedback and responses. Now don’t get me wrong, I still love to get feedback from people, and I also love criticisms but I am no longer going to allow that to dominate my day, I will move forward whether I get approval or not. I will do what I think God wants me to do. I will not waste the grace of God in my life and you shouldn’t too.

Also, do not take seriously everything that is said, so that you will not hear your servant cursing you, for you also know that you too have cursed others many times.”

ECCLESIASTES 7:21-22 AMP

http://bible.com/1588/ecc.7.21-22.amp

“Don’t put your trust in mere humans. They are as frail as breath. What good are they?”

Isaiah 2:22 NLT

http://bible.com/116/isa.2.22.nlt

How do you get freedom?

So how do you overcome this approval craving syndrome?
Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Matth 11:28

First, you need to Be Aware of these and other tendencies, next you Face it and Gain Real Approval from God.

I created a tool to help you through the process. You can download your own copy at olusobanjo.com/breakinglimts Go and get your copy.

This is not just a read the scriptures exercise, oh no. Freedom comes when you know and truly know the truth. When instead of the lies you had believed you now begin to live your life based on the truth of God’s word.

So I want to encourage you to check your heart, track your thoughts, do you have the approval craving syndrome? Trust God to helps you. Don’t forget to get the tool I created for this purpose at olusobanjo.com/breakinglimits.

Let us pray, lord we know the thief comes to kill steal and destroy, but you cane to give us life. Lord you bring life to every deadness in us.

Coming up we will discuss another syndrome I call the Lazy thinker syndrome. Don’t miss it.

Listen on iTunes or Google Play or Soundcloud

Other Links mentioned:

http://www.olusobanjo.com/ep-47-identifying-limiting-beliefs-getting-freedom/

http://www.olusobanjo.com/learn-to-say-no-in-order-to-say-yes-to-gods-purpose-for-you/

http://www.olusobanjo.com/breakinglimits/

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Ep. 47 – Identifying Limiting Beliefs & Getting Freedom

Identifying Limiting Beliefs

Having a vision for your life is very important but with an approval-craving mentality, you likely wouldn’t reach your fullest potentials. I know many who are aware of the great plans that God has for them but to a large extent have been limited. In this series we will be looking at different limiting beliefs, the symptoms to look out for and how to overcome them. This is the first in the series.

As you may already know I am a recovering people pleaser and that means I can relate to this topic very well.

I used to have a really bad stomach ulcer. In May of 2012, I was getting ready for our annual ladies conference VGC, the pain was so bad. I needed to drive 3 hours from Kingston to Montreal and was doubting how.

That morning when the pain started and I made a comment to my hubby, I said; “this pain is getting out of hands, I think I really need to fast and pray about this pain it really has to go”. His response brought me insights into the depth of my issues. He said, “you don’t need to fast and pray or you need to stand on the victory you have already in Christ”. Wow! that’s true, how come I never thought about it that way? Christ already paid bought me freedom from diseases, but then I still had it.

At my hotel room that night I tried to pray but the pain was just too much. Toms didn’t help, even the prescription meds didn’t work. As the host pastor for the conference, I wasn’t even sure I could lead the women the next morning based on the way I felt, but somehow I went for the conference by faith the next day and it was a great time with the ladies. We drove back that night because I was scheduled to travel to Nigeria the next day with the boys and so we did.

As soon as I landed in Nigeria the pain was gone, you won’t believe that I didn’t even look for the pills at all through my trip for almost 3 weeks. I got back to Kingston however and there it was again.

That was only when I began to connect the dots. The ulcer was stress related. I began to notice that when I had to minister or had so much on my schedule, the intensity of the pain increased. I also noticed that relating to some certain people intensified the pain. This was an epiphany for me. I also noticed that meeting with a certain set of individuals developed more tension and stress in me.

Who were these people, those that I thought didn’t like me for who I was. For some reason, when I meet people, depending on how the meeting went, I could somehow deduce that they didn’t like me. I am sure you are wondering…some either because I noticed they were trying to get me to behave in some ways, others because they volunteered an advice I didn’t ask for or they didn’t seem to care about me. In a nutshell, it was people that didn’t give me the approval I wanted. Sadly but true.

So I used to get stressed going to be in close proximity to them. Right before such meetings, I was stressed worrying about what to say and what not to say. I was consumed about appearing smart before these people that I was no longer free to be me. I tell you the energy and brain space that I engaged was huge. According to Benjamin Hardy, I believe that this unresolved mental issue was what created the tension in my stomach, causing the pain.

Also, the enemy doesn’t want you to be in tune, he will keep you busy fighting the wrong enemy. He will give you many worry assignments

So how did I overcome this? After I returned from Nigeria,  God asked me to do an exercise. Write down all your fears and find a corresponding truth that will set you free.  And I did.

One major thought I dealt with was:

That some people don’t like me and I also don’t like people that don’t like me and many more

Let me admit here that there will need to ask for forgiveness.  I wrote all the fears plaguing me at the time. It was scary facing the thoughts coming from my heart. I wished I hadn’t deleted that note from my phone, I wish I can go back and see where I was but unfortunately I deleted it.

I am so grateful that God opened my eyes to see that I was using the life He gave me to gain people’s approval. And guess what I was a pastor. The process of finding scriptures that will set me free was a major path on my victory journey.

After this process, I began to use my mind space differently, I began to see people differently, I still met with people that I felt didn’t like me, but instead of being super sensitive around them, I focused on God’s love for me. After a while, that part of me was set free completely or should I say to a large extent.

You see if you want to become whom God made you, if you want to follow God’s plan for you each day, you must identify what has been limiting or pushing you. What has your thought pattern been like? Yours may not be expressed in form of stress-driven stomach ulcer, in short, it may just be your perfectionist tendencies, it may be the over-achiever tendencies, it may even be expressed in the way you push the people around you. Whatever the case is,  this year must be a year of fulfilling God’s purpose. A year of trusting and obeying. You must get out of the rot of waiting and waiting hoping that things will magically change.

I have created a handy questionnaire that will help you through the victory process.  Go over to olusobanjo.com/breakinglimits. Go get a copy there now.

Always remember that someone out there needs what God has put inside you and that greatness needs to come out.

Coming up we will discuss how the people pleasing lifestyle shows up on your path to purposeful living. Don’t miss it. 

Don’t forget to join us for Ready Set Impact!

Listen on iTunes or Google Play or Soundcloud

Register to be a part of my first Online Course, Ready Set Impact!

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Episode 46 – Happy New Year From A Recovering People Pleaser

happy new year

Happy new year to all my friends all over the world!

Wow! 2017 is gone. That year came with huge challenges and also much growth but in all God remains great.

You see, my needs to please everyone around me used to be the driving force for my life until God broke down this tendency greatly in me in 2017.  Each day God keep breaking me away from this person pleasing lifestyle. So I can truly pursue His call for me boldly. And the result was 45 episodes of Like Jesus Podcast and a course on PurposeUniversity.online and many other exploits around the world. I am so grateful.

I remember one specific day I was driving on Westminster ave in Montreal this year. The traffic was heavy, and I  don’t like the road rage that comes with heavy traffics. However, I needed to boldly advance or I would be there for hours. My husband was also encouraging me to move,  he said go, with fear and some boldness I advanced, but mistakenly my eyes caught that of the other driver and guess what the looks on his face sent chills all the way to my heart it felt like a knife cutting some of my nerves. I am sure you may be wondering what kind of a weirdo I am but really, that was one of the events that God used to point my attention to the way my heart had become. I didn’t like to look bad in people’s eyes.

I really thank God for the way He pushed me out of my comfort zone and still is. Because I stepped out I am blessing many all over the globe. I have statistics of people listening to Like Jesus Podcast from all continents of the world. Also our course on PurposeUniversity.online is helping individuals learn to become all that God made them to be.

God has a wonderful plan for your life my dear,  and I pray that in 2018 you will engage that more than ever before.

I pray that God will deliver you from whatever is holding you back this year. You see it’s up to you, God will not come down and be you, you have to become you. You have to stay committed to the call of God for your life or at least stay committed to clarifying the call.

I want to ask you to step out of the boat this year. Step out of your comfort zone, step away from your limits into His presence. Listen, trust and obey!

As a recovering people pleaser, I know what it means to keep perfecting your purpose until it’s really good. But sometimes it’s because you don’t want to appear like a failure or looser. But guess what, those who stay on the boat are actually the losers. It’s the one who stepped out that was able to practice his faith with the master.

Be one of the exploit makers in 2018, the world is looking for what God has hidden inside you.

Once again happy new year!

There are many great episodes planned for 2018, in the next 2 months we will address ideologies that might be limiting you and how to overcome them and also how to get the help of your family to live a purposeful life. I am so excited for this and you should be too.

Now it’s your turn, go and impact someone with what you’ve got.

Listen on iTunes or Google Play or Soundcloud

Register to be a part of my first Online Course, Ready Set Impact!


Ep. 45 Transcripts: How To Be Sure Your Idea Is God’s Part 2

Transcript: Coming soon

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Ep. 45 – How To Be Sure Your Idea Is God’s Idea Part 2

Merry Christmas dear listeners & friends,

Joy and peace to all this Christmas, especially to my dear friends who are hurting this time. May Jesus, the reason for the season, brighten our days. Pls. listen to this episode to get the special piece from the Sobanjo family.

This picture of my family and some of our acquired children here was taken earlier today at our Annual Christmas Day giveaway in Kuje (near Abuja),  Nigeria. God is good for creating awesome people like these, each one very unique. It was really awesome to see people go home with non-perishable food items to celebrate Christmas. Thanks to all our church members and friends all over the world that join us to make this a great day. Remember to bless people around you this Christmas, especially those who can’t pay you back.

From his abundance, we have all received one gracious blessing after another. John 1:16

Today on Like Jesus podcast (continued from last week) this is the second part of the chat between Ade & I on how Like Jesus podcast became a major part of our family.

  1. I learned to cut down on the desire to do more and be more to everyone.
  2. Some unnecessary stuff had to be restructured in order to find time to do what I am called to.
  3. It’s not easy because people around will complain at first, but they will adjust as you pursue God’s purpose for you as long as they continue to see that you love them.
  4. Talk to God always to know what He wants and confirm with other leaders in your life.

Dont forget to join us for Ready Set Impact!

Listen on iTunes or Google Play or Soundcloud

Register to be a part of my first Online Course, Ready Set Impact!


Ep. 45 Transcripts: How To Be Sure Your Idea Is God’s Part 2

Transcript: Coming soon

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Ep. 44 – How To Be Sure Your Idea Is God’s Idea

Achieve photo

It’s always great to know that you are doing what God has called you to do. However, what if you don’t? Here is a discussion between Ade & I on How I was able to check that this podcast is what God wants me to do. This is the part one of this recording, part 2 will air next week.

  1. It’s not your tool that matters it is the message that matters
  2. Check very well to be sure you can sustain it
  3. Count the cost and state it clearly
  4. Learn to say No to other ideas
  5. Join us for Ready Set Impact!

Listen on iTunes or Google Play or Soundcloud

Register to be a part of my first Online Course, Ready Set Impact!


Ep. 44 Transcripts: How To Be Sure Your Idea Is God’s

Like Jesus Podcast Episode 44  

[Intro Beat]

Hello Everybody, this is Olu Sobanjo. And you’re listening to Like Jesus Podcast. I have Ade Sobanjo here with me today.

Ade: Hello!

Olu: We’re very glad to do this discussion and to share this discussion with you today. Recently as I was spending some time to pray, I remembered what happened to our son, Demi. At some point, we just were thinking that he should go to an eye test and when he went to do the eye test, we discovered that he needed glasses. After that, we were just asking him the experience he’s had before that. And I remembered one day, we were driving in the night to go or very early in the morning to go to the airport and he said to me, “Wow, look at…”  [after he now has the glasses] He said to me, “Mummy, how come you never told me these were street lights?” And I was like, “I don’t know I needed to tell you that these were street lights.” He said, “Because I’ve never seen them. I always used to wonder what kind of light those were…” Because he couldn’t really see them. He’d see some kind of glowing thing – light, but he didn’t know they were just street lights or the oncoming vehicle in the night. He’d just be wondering what was that. But funny enough, he was in school and he’d struggle… He was doing well in school but we didn’t know that he had the challenge of not seeing very well.

And as I was praying recently, I just realized that it’s very interesting that sometimes we may not even know that we can’t see clearly. You know, we’ve been talking about doing what God has put in your heart to do. And as I was praying that day, I remember just feeling that it’s possible that you have an idea and you’re almost… Maybe you’re even running with the idea; maybe you feel like you should start running with the idea but you may not actually know that it may not actually be God’s plan.

What do you think about that, Ade?

Ade: Yeah. I think it’s very important that we are sure that God is directing us to do why we do before we do them. And I think we all run into that problem. You get an idea, you’re so passionate about the idea at the time. You love the idea and you’re ready to commit your money and your time to it. And then after one year, you run out steam – you run out of energy; you run out of money and you put it down. Then, 6 months later, you come up with another brand new idea and you run for another 2 years, only to run out of steam and put it all down. So, maybe what you should do today is just talk about you – your podcast.

Olu: Sure!

Ade: Umm… How did you decide that this is God’s plan? It’s not just another fancy idea; it’s not just another thing that will go on for just 6 months and then you’ll pack it up. What made you know that this is God?

Olu: Thank you! I think that it’s a very good topic and a very good question. It’s going to be a little bit of secret time here today but I think it’s very good to do this.

Personally, I think for a while now, I’ve always thought that I had to share. Every time, I’ll be thinking I need to share; I need to… there’s this message that I want to pass across. I want people to do what God has called them to do. And I’ve always desired that but I mixed it all up at the beginning. I was carried away with the model of sharing the message. I was carried away… it was more of the model – the strategy that I’d use to carry out the message that was more important to me at the beginning. And so, after a while… After I had tried YouTube – I used to do lots of YouTube videos but I realized that I couldn’t sustain it and gradually I just dropped most of the things that I used to do then. You know I mean I’ve had all sorts of ideas and I’ve used different strategies so to speak but gradually, I got to a point… As I continued to fellowship with God, I got to a point where God began to open my eyes to see that it’s not the strategy or the tactics or the tool that I’m going to use to deliver the message that matters. It’s the message itself that matters! And at a point, I was almost even scared of picking it up again because I didn’t want to run my ideas. I was tired of running and stopping. But God began to change my heart to see that the message is very important and people need to hear this. It got to a point, I remember there was a time I got to the point where I said I’m going to be doing this faceless messages that it’s not about me anymore; it’s not about what I want to say. It’s about the message going out and so I… ‘cause I’d get all these write-ups on WhatsApp that people will send and I began to feel that many of these WhatsApp messages and Facebook posts and all these things, they inject fear more than elevate God. And I began to see that you know, I just got angry. So, I said I will be doing this faceless messages – I tried it. I think I did one writing… I wrote a comment and I sent it to my friends and family and I just trusted that it’d just continue to be forwarded like that. And then I did another one that was audio. It was my voice but my name wasn’t there and I sent it out. And I did that and then I began to continue to walk with God and I realized that some other times, I’d want to refer back to these things. It’d be good to have an archive of where it is. And then I began to see, “Okay maybe it will be good for me to put it on my website so that I can always have the archive.” I can always use it – refer back to it and all that.

I was still on that and still trying to see what platform to use, what tool to use when one day I was listening to a message. I can’t remember the title of the message but it was Ashaya that was preaching in that message. I can’t even remember what she was saying but what I got from that message was more like God had a whip in his hand and chased me out of bed and said, “Stop that message now and begin what I’ve called you to do.” That was the day I felt, “Oh! Maybe I should try podcasting. Maybe if I do podcasting it will be easy…” So, I did the first one; the very first podcast – an introduction to Like Jesus Podcast. When I did that, I just saw how easy it was. If I go listen back to that very first one, I still feel I should delete it but I’m not going to delete it because it’s part of the history. And It’s good. I realized that after I started that, what God now did was, I googled how can I start a podcast using my phone? And then I saw an app. The app that I was using then is called opinion podcast or something. So, I paid for the podcasting app and I began to do the recordings and it was so easy for me. Because of the experience that I’ve had with video editing on my YouTube channel and all that, it was so easy for me to handle this app. And by the time I started doing it, it was so easy, I just continued. Gradually as I continued, I discovered that the app crashed and I had to go… Thank God for you that you’re very knowledgeable about it. I had moved over to another platform which is not as easy and where I started from but recently as I was just thinking about it, I realized that God arranged that that day I would start… Because if I had not started that day, I might have been thinking, “Oh Podcasting is so difficult. I can’t do it…” And if you don’t have the time to help me and I don’t want to spend money to do it, then maybe I won’t do it. But I discovered that as I began to do podcasting, it became so easy even easier than writing a blog post. But I really think that it’s good to start with what you think you can sustain.

Ade: Yes! And so what I was trying to find out from you is, how does a person know that this is not another thing that is going to run for just a few months and go off? But you just mentioned that there’s that burning desire. It’s there even when you did it for a while and stopped using the YouTube and you didn’t do it again for a while. God still brought it back up and you had to go and do it. Now, what I want to find out from you is, for people who are just starting out on a project, you started off and you stopped. What are we going to put that in? Was it fear that got you up or you just wanted to go big? What was it that made you start so big and you ran out of steam? And looking back, what are the pitfalls that people should watch out for?

Olu: I think the main thing is what I just said, starting something that you’re sure you can sustain. And sustenance, it’s almost like… In a business, before Coca-Cola or Apple or any big company out there, before they go out and embark on a new project, they’d want to analyze where they are. They’d want to analyze the resources they have. Resources could be money; it could be the human resource; it could be time, it could be… They want to know if they are able to run this race. The Lord Jesus said – He said so Himself. He said, “is there anyone of you that’d want to build a house and will not first count the cost?” I think that was one of the problems that I had. Now, if you ask me and if you take me back to the point where I was, I’d say I counted the cost. And what I did was that I looked at my… you know, this message is really strong on my heart and so I say to myself, I’m going to dedicate one hour every day to do this. It’s a 10 mins video [I can’t remember] or a 5 mins video I was doing then but I’d dedicate one hour to it. And I looked in my schedule and I thought I’d just do this. It’s going to take me some time to pray, some time to write my script and then some time to record, then edit and you know… But really, the truth of the matter is that even though I dedicated that one hour to it, the one hour wasn’t enough to actually get the job done. Let’s say the time when I started this, let’s say I was not a married person, I wasn’t a pastor, I wasn’t a mom, I didn’t have a job… If I didn’t have all that, and it was just me going to the office and just taking time. After the work between 5-10pm every day, I was just free watching TV and all that. If that was my schedule, it’d have made sense. But because of the fact that I had all these other things that I was doing, I thought I counted the cost but it wasn’t well done.

So, I think that for anyone to sustain anything, it’s not just you that you need to count and say, Oh! Yes, I can do it and start jumping. You need to bring it to the table, write it all out then… Just like in a company, the people in one department will do the analysis, another department will do the analysis of the project and then they bring it together in a group and say this is what we need. Then they analyze it. They say “do we do it now? Or do we postpone it or do we…” This is one thing that I could have done. I could have brought my agenda, clearly written agenda to you and then we discuss it together and then we commit to it. Now, that was the difference between then and now. Then, I was running with it and I would do it as long as you know, I don’t want anybody to stop me. But, there was no formal discussion where I said I want to do this and let’s do… And then apart from discussing with your family, there’s also the aspect of Am I able to sustain it spiritually – whatever it is that God is calling you to do? Because, when God has put something in your heart to do, there is always the adversary that won’t want it to happen. So, you need to spend time – quality time with God so that the message that God has given to you is preserved and you’re able to run with it and actually not throw it down as you go. So, I think it’s much more than we think when we say, can I sustain it? Do I have enough capacity to be able to do this? It is much more than what we are really ready to face and actually go for it and say Okay, let me do a detailed analysis. Can I do it? Maybe I should take it easier than the way I started… Because sometimes what happens is you get the idea of what you are supposed to be doing 10 years from now and you want to start that now. But sometimes, it’s good to start small. I bring it to you, we say, “Oh! this is very elaborate but we don’t have this kind of capacity yet. Let’s start with very little part of it and then let’s grow.” And this is what I’ve seen in this new start for me because then we are all doing it together. We understand, the children understand and at the time, my children were very small. They couldn’t understand all these but now it’s a lot easier.

Ade: Yes. Thank you. As you were talking, there were some questions that were coming up in my mind. I’m thinking of, do you have experience of some ideas that they are not just God’s idea? Because in this situation, it was God’s idea, the application was too big and so you had to pull back. But what of someone that has an idea that is really supposed to be killed for now? The idea itself is not supposed to fly? Maybe it is going to come up or it is going to be an addition or it is just supposed to be given to someone, how do we know that? What are some of the things that you can look back into your archive and help somebody?

Olu: Oh yes! Oh yes! Thank you for bringing that up. That’s one of the reasons why it took me time even to get to this point because my personal you know, the way my brain works, and I’m assuming now that I have mingled with a lot of people; I see that I am the only one that is like that. Ideas keep coming in like a flood. So, I get the idea of what God wants me to do but then I have all these other big ideas – huge ideas that come in. You need to actually look at them and see, is this what you really want to do?

I remember one day, God said to me in… I was just looking at the conference that we do – the ladies conference that we do and it was at that year, I can’t remember 2-3 years ago, as I was looking at the ladies, I began to see God say to me, this is the reason why I gave you this idea. Before that, I used to think that it was for me to do all these things. But then I began to see that, no! It was for me to empower many of the women to be able to do what He has called them to do. And so, I began to see that as the ideas are coming, I should actually be writing them down to share with other people. The point is not for me to do. But before that, I used to want to do every new idea. And they’d look really fantastic. I’d see the way it’d work well with where I am right now and I’d just want to start running with it. My brain becomes really busy calculating and my blood pumps… I’m so excited, you know, I get a lot of adrenaline and I just want to go for it. I’m so excited for these things but then, it is not what God is calling me to do.

So, how do I differentiate and say this one is not God’s plan for me and this one is God’s plan for me? I think the way I’ve looked at it and I’ve been able to do it now is based on my walk with God, I’ve been able to declutter to the point where I realize that the reason why He sent me here is this: to empower other people to do what He has called them to do and to encourage them to do so. Now, I’ve seen that as the core and you’ve really helped me a lot where you keep… I remember back in the day you’d say, “But where are you going with this? What are you trying to do with this?” I’ve been able to get to a point where I see it now – I see my call, what God has called me to do and I want to ask myself each new idea that comes and say, how does that fit into what God has called me to do? I want to have a new school – kids club that will help kids. I have always… I love it. I want it for my children and so I should create it and start doing it because right now, I’m in a place where it’s not available so I should start doing it. But then I look at it, “Can I actually sustain it? Will I be able to sit down there? Would somebody else be able to carry out the process if I am not there?” And all these questions help me to look at the idea and then I trash it. Eventually, I got to a point where I’m not trying to achieve anymore. I’m just trying to be who He made me to be. And I think the more you walk with God, the more you get to a point where you’re not struggling to make a point. You’re not struggling to tell the world that you are somebody. You just be yourself and the more you do that, the easier it is to say No to many other things that come.

 

Do I still get ideas now? Yes, I do! In short, even in this new podcast and all these things that I do now, I still have different ideas but it’s a lot easier for me now to just write it down. And maybe it’s for tomorrow. I don’t know but right now, let me face what I’m doing. This is what God has called me to do. I’ll face it, I’ll do it well and then we will see what God will do from there. So, it’s very important that each one would look at it and say this idea, how does it fit into what God has called me into? So, it’s very important to know what God has called me to do here on earth. It starts with making other people know the joy and the love of God and the name of Jesus to be elevated. That’s the main thing for every one of us but in different ways, He puts a strong desire in your heart for something and you are going for it. The more you do that, the more you submit and surrender to what God is calling you to do, the more it is easier for you to do – to be able to say No to other things.

Ade: That is fantastic. I remember that question, you answered more of that in your course Ready Set Impact, the first class I think. So, those who have not taken the course, go ahead and take it…

Olu: Oh yeah!

Ade: …So that you can know more about that. Now, I have another question for you just to help someone that is starting off. They have this idea, they believe it is God but they are doing some work now. They are working. For yourself, this podcast that you are doing now, how are you… you know you said to write down the plan and make sure you can sustain it What will be in that plan that will tell us that I can sustain this? I know that at that time when you were doing those things, you said you could sustain it so what are some of the things? I want you to go deeper into the plan and some things that they can try because sometimes, you can’t know this unless you make effort. So, how can they test out the sustainability of the plan that they have?

Olu: Thank you I…

Ade: How did you do yours?

Olu: I think that it’s always good to look at… If you are going to sustain anything, it’s always good to look at where you are and see what you have – the resources that you have and where you are at, okay? I am talking about when I say where you are at, it’s very important for example to look at your experiences, your gifts, your talents, your skills… You need to look at all that and write it down. Like you said, we’ve done this well in the Ready Set Impact Course and it’d be very beneficial to anyone that goes to take that course. So, you write down all these things – the resources that you have.

Then your relationships. Your relationships. If you have, for example, to do a good recording, it is good to have a place where there is not a lot of noise. If you have a baby in the house, it may not be so easy to get that done. Except if you have enough money to have an extra room where you can lock it up and soundproof the whole place and make it your studio. Right now, I don’t have that and I have something similar to – close to it but it is not complete. Even at the time, it was far from it. So, it is good to look at your relationships, look at your home setting, look at your schedule at work, look at your schedule at church, some of the commitment that you already have – things that you have said yes to and you have committed to. Some of the things… You may need to drop some things, some relationships that may not be necessary at the time in order to do what God has called you to do. You may need to cut down on some of those. But really, the main thing is just to look at all of the things that you have where am I right now and what can I sustain?

For example, when I was starting this, I didn’t start with buying a microphone or buying a tripod stand or buying some of these things. I had many of the things already and then I started with my phone. I didn’t start with a new recording set that will make it look professional. No, No, No! I realized that I could even start with my phone and people were asking me, are you actually recording that from your phone? Yes, I was. It was later on that I bought a better mic for the recording and I’m still doing it on my phone. Now, the next level is to do it with a better recording set so it’s good to start with what you have – the equipment, the tools, the things that you already have now. The only money I spent to start this was $5.99. That was the cost of the app at the time. And that was it. I was just using that. But you know, what happens is that if you go big, you will go home. You may go home because you’ve spent so much and you are not getting so much and you get tired. So, it is good to analyze all these things and say, what do I have? What can I do with what I already have? And then at the same time, what you are doing is that you are trying to… you want to, first of all, be committed to the thing. If you start too big, you reduce the chances of you being fully committed. I mean, I don’t know if I said that well. If you start too big, your mind may be clouded to the point where you forget about the fact that you may not still be 100% committed to what you are starting to do but you already spent $1000. But it’s good for you to, first of all, prove to yourself that you are in and get regular. For example, in my podcast, I bought the $5.99 thing just to prove to myself and to prove to you that I’m ready. I want to do this now and then gradually after that – after I had done this regularly for so long, I could now pay for a bigger platform that I’m now using. And then I would discover that I need more equipment and tools and then I get it, you know, gradually like that. What happens is, usually when we say we are trying to see, can I sustain it, we are looking at, Oh, yes. I can buy this and buy that and buy all the things that I need. Yes, I can sustain it but really, that’s not the point. The point is, do I have enough commitment first of all inside of me and then can I start small?

So, I’m looking at the time here and I’m thinking that it will be good to wrap it up here. I think we may still… I don’t know if you still have…

Ade: Yes, I still have lots of questions because I know that people want to start something and that is what this podcast is about – to get people to do what God has called them to do. So, it’s good to really get some other things that one may have to think about and so maybe I’d ask you some more questions and we can do that next week.

Olu: Sure! We can do that. So, people, we are going to wrap it up here. We’ll continue again next week.  And before we do that, why don’t we pray? Do you want to pray?

Ade: Yeah, Sure! Father, we thank you for everyone that is listening to us – listening to this podcast. Especially those that have this idea, they are thinking in their minds that this is you, God speaking to them and they are about to take off but they are wondering, Is this another fad? Is this going to just go on for 2 more years and then fade off like some other projects they’ve done before? Father, I pray for just a confirmation for each one of these people that they will hear deep in their spirit that you are with them and that you are going to help them. And as we’ve talked about writing down the plan and really looking at the action steps that need to be taken over a long period of time, we ask that you help them to write that and as they write it, if it is not your will, declare to them Father. And for those who know what you’ve told them to do and have written the plan, I pray that they will be encouraged to take steps this week to be able to move the project forward. We pray for anybody that is going through a difficult time for intervention, for healings, for breakthroughs, for wisdom in the name of Jesus.

Olu: Amen

Ade: Thank you, Father. And this time as the end of the year comes and we celebrate the birth of Jesus, we pray that Joy will fill the heart of everyone. In Jesus name,

Both: Amen

Olu: Amen. Thanks, everybody. See you again next week and yeah, Bye for now.

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